I've noticed that I haven't read and I haven't blogged much since I started this new adventure in my life. I don't know what that signifies, but what I've also noticed is that I have more drive now to do something with my life than I did before. So, I may not do the things that I told myself I would dedicate time to, but I am branching out in a new direction of moving forward. I guess it has to have a bitter-sweet meaning.
Days are too long and nights don't come easy. My stomach turns at the thought of "time" and "patience" but I know in the end this will make me a stronger person whether the ending is a fairy tale or a disappointment. It's taking all my strength all ready as it is, but clearly I can't give up; can't let go. I keep finding strength that I didn't know I had. Strength I never thought I was capable of possessing.
Music seems like my only friend. The only thing that understands how I'm feeling. Granted, I couldn't even begin to explain to someone the way that I'm feeling, but for the first time I don't know if I want someone to "get it". For the first time in a long time the feel of misery almost makes me feel alive. I feel alive in a sense and I think it's about time I kick back and enjoy it.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Which Way Is Up?
Okay.. So, I messed up. It's been a week since I last wrote in my blog. I have already gone against what I wanted to do with this, but I believe everything works itself out and everything happens for some reason or another. In a week I have done a lot of evaluating (as always) and I am proud to say I have found some sort of path. Although things are still a beautiful disaster in this thing that I call My Life I do have direction now. At least more direction than I did before. I am happy to say that I am on my way to being being happy.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Half Full
Today is one of those days.
One of those days when life makes sense or it at least seems like it.
For years I thought that I had it all figured out. I thought that I had my life down to a science. I was convinced no one could unlock a door that I hadn't already opened; already explored. There wasn't a person in this world that could tell me something I didn't already know when it came to my story. Not until today.
Today I realized that some doors are within other doors that I already ran through, decided I had had enough and shut them without a second thought. There was good reason for it though. I was always in a hurry. Always rushing to see what was next. This time, now that I have finally found patience the universe is finally ready to walk me through all of previously opened realms and show me all the things that I missed; that I rushed passed.
Between my family, my friends (some old some new) and myself I have found new paths and new insights. I may not be anywhere near figuring everything out or even knowing where to start for that matter, but it has given me back the hope and faith that I thought was gone in my journey of finding Me.
One of those days when life makes sense or it at least seems like it.
For years I thought that I had it all figured out. I thought that I had my life down to a science. I was convinced no one could unlock a door that I hadn't already opened; already explored. There wasn't a person in this world that could tell me something I didn't already know when it came to my story. Not until today.
Today I realized that some doors are within other doors that I already ran through, decided I had had enough and shut them without a second thought. There was good reason for it though. I was always in a hurry. Always rushing to see what was next. This time, now that I have finally found patience the universe is finally ready to walk me through all of previously opened realms and show me all the things that I missed; that I rushed passed.
Between my family, my friends (some old some new) and myself I have found new paths and new insights. I may not be anywhere near figuring everything out or even knowing where to start for that matter, but it has given me back the hope and faith that I thought was gone in my journey of finding Me.
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